The “sexual healing” story is a common romance trope. A mistreated heroine leaves her rotten man to find a better one. The new man’s love transforms her. BDSM romances can also follow this plotline. My One sort of does. This story is a kinky twist on Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Briony leaves a cheating man and ends up exploring three new relationships: too hard, too soft and just right. The theme of the novella is the wide range of BDSM interactions. The idea is underscored by sprinkling the tale with introduction letters from suitors.
One of Briony's bears is her old friend Sterling, a glamorous sadist. Many readers are bothered by this relationship. I evidently did not do a good job illustrating that the dalliance between Briony and Sterling was consensual. I also failed to make clear the fulfillment she got from the interaction: subspace, pride in serving, and excitement. Ultimately Sterling wasn’t the right mate for Briony, but she was never a victim. The DM hero’s response to her relationship with Sterling may have prejudiced some folks. But the good DM’s protective reaction was not reliable: he was in love with her.
But what about BDSM stories in which the heroine is truly a victim? Here the “sexual healing” plot has the heroine leaving a bad Master because of BDSM-style abuse. Ultimately she is saved by a “good” Master, who teaches her the true meaning of BDSM. I hate these stories. The line between BDSM and abuse is already tissue thin. Why utterly shred that barrier by bad fiction?
Writers of BDSM sexual healing stories don't care about the subculture they misrepresent. Because, hey, that plot provides plenty of drama, and generates sympathy for the poor victim. Which translates into book sales. But this melodramatic story device is a cheap emotional trick. The plot requires the bad Master’s abuse to be so outrageous that it’s just plain insane. Not only does it portray Masters as crazy and evil, it makes slaves look helpless, without common sense or desire for self-preservation. The underlying message is BDSM is crazy and evil.
Ultimately the new Master and abused slave have to fall in love in these tales. But how? BDSM is bad! Resolution of this paradox involves a magical switcheroo. BDSM must suddenly morph from abusive to romantic. The new Master must be cut from more noble cloth. The damaged slave must trust the new man and give consent. Consent by an abused person is supposed to be possible--and ethical. Finally the reader must not view the Master as a predator--but as a savior. In order to provide the maximum contrast between bad Master and good Master, the new relationship often ends up being sweet, a watered-down, fakey sort of BDSM, with lots of cute protocol and symbolic accoutrements of BDSM, but no true emotion.
These stories do not do real-life BDSM much good.
For a lively and interesting discussion of two BDSM sexual healing stories, see Dear Author.
Showing posts with label fiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fiction. Show all posts
The Dominant Trainer
One of the stock heroes in BDSM fiction is the male Dominant who has "trained lots of subs." His background is usually a throwaway one, like describing a fictional hero as rich, without actually presenting a tabulation of his true net worth. Training experience is supposed to give the hero kink cred: such a Dom has to be really good at what he does. His Domliness is so overwhelming that he'll show the BDSM virginal heroine (and presumably the BDSM virginal reader) a great time.
Okay. In real life, a Dominant's creativity is usually valued more than his experience, so what does having "trained a lot of subs" really mean?
If a Dominant has had a lot of subs, that's different than having trained a lot of subs. Ethical "training" means private teaching, like conducting workshops on some aspect of BDSM. Here the Dom teacher is a friend of the sub. Being principled, this trainer Dom does not have authority over the sub--or else it is a D/s relationship, not a trainer-trainee relationship. It goes without saying that this interaction cannot involve sex--or even real emotional involvement. The Dom is charged with training a sub, not his sub. Altruism is the ethical trainer's only reward.
But can you really train people? I think not. You train animals. The processes, mechanics, protocols and emotions involved in kink are normally far more complex than commands to sit or roll over. And they are highly specific to the couple. Subs and Doms cannot be interchanged: mixing and matching of people is a crazy concept. What might please the ethical trainer has no bearing on what will float the boat of another Dom.
The idea of a special school where Dominants train submissives or slaves is alluring. The Story of O, by Pauline Reage, and the Marketplace Series by Laura Antoniou are prominent fictional examples. But the dynamic is fantasy. No one can train somebody to be another person's worthy submissive. There is no universal BDSM rule book that can prepare a sub for a different (and future) BDSM relationship.
Unhappily, the fantasy of "sub training" sneaks into real life, ensnaring the innocent. There are plenty of self-described Dominants in the community who offer to "train subs". These men are not interested in training anyone. All they really want is to "get some". A supposed Dom who brags about having "trained a lot of subs" is the BDSM equivalent of a man claiming he's "fucked a lot of women." Suddenly "training" goes from darkly forbidden and dramatic to just plain slimy.
There are better ways for a curious newbie to get some face-to-face individual help. For example, one good choice is to ask an experienced sub or slave to mentor her. Begging a Dominant for private lessons on how to be a sub is asking for trouble; even an ethical Dom has a potential conflict of interest.
There's a clever April Fool's joke on Etsy (a kind of online artist's colony) now. This Etsy shop, called To be Read, is owned by the prestigious Dear Author review site. The shop offers to "sell" handmade, one-of-a-kind book reviews. An A review is way cheaper than an F review. It's especially funny if you're familiar with Etsy. Dear Author Etsy. Since the shop will probably disappear May 1, I offer this link, too: Cached Dear Author Etsy
Okay. In real life, a Dominant's creativity is usually valued more than his experience, so what does having "trained a lot of subs" really mean?
If a Dominant has had a lot of subs, that's different than having trained a lot of subs. Ethical "training" means private teaching, like conducting workshops on some aspect of BDSM. Here the Dom teacher is a friend of the sub. Being principled, this trainer Dom does not have authority over the sub--or else it is a D/s relationship, not a trainer-trainee relationship. It goes without saying that this interaction cannot involve sex--or even real emotional involvement. The Dom is charged with training a sub, not his sub. Altruism is the ethical trainer's only reward.
But can you really train people? I think not. You train animals. The processes, mechanics, protocols and emotions involved in kink are normally far more complex than commands to sit or roll over. And they are highly specific to the couple. Subs and Doms cannot be interchanged: mixing and matching of people is a crazy concept. What might please the ethical trainer has no bearing on what will float the boat of another Dom.
The idea of a special school where Dominants train submissives or slaves is alluring. The Story of O, by Pauline Reage, and the Marketplace Series by Laura Antoniou are prominent fictional examples. But the dynamic is fantasy. No one can train somebody to be another person's worthy submissive. There is no universal BDSM rule book that can prepare a sub for a different (and future) BDSM relationship.
Unhappily, the fantasy of "sub training" sneaks into real life, ensnaring the innocent. There are plenty of self-described Dominants in the community who offer to "train subs". These men are not interested in training anyone. All they really want is to "get some". A supposed Dom who brags about having "trained a lot of subs" is the BDSM equivalent of a man claiming he's "fucked a lot of women." Suddenly "training" goes from darkly forbidden and dramatic to just plain slimy.
There are better ways for a curious newbie to get some face-to-face individual help. For example, one good choice is to ask an experienced sub or slave to mentor her. Begging a Dominant for private lessons on how to be a sub is asking for trouble; even an ethical Dom has a potential conflict of interest.
There's a clever April Fool's joke on Etsy (a kind of online artist's colony) now. This Etsy shop, called To be Read, is owned by the prestigious Dear Author review site. The shop offers to "sell" handmade, one-of-a-kind book reviews. An A review is way cheaper than an F review. It's especially funny if you're familiar with Etsy. Dear Author Etsy. Since the shop will probably disappear May 1, I offer this link, too: Cached Dear Author Etsy
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