How Not to Write a Book Blurb: Part II

In a previous blog post I discussed creating a book's "cover copy". In part I, I listed three things not to do. Here I continue with Part II.

1. Don't overwhelm the blurb with names. It's not necessary to give people's last names, particularly if there are more than two characters in the blurb. Try to avoid listing names of secondary characters. Sometimes relationships are enough to identify them. Her brother, her boss, his mother, their children, is preferable. The same thing goes for locations. Don't overload the paragraphs with names of cities or states or regions unless it matters. Don't present lots of names of coffee shops or hotels or companies, no matter how clever you think the names are, if names aren't really critical to the story.

2. Avoid the temptation to give long, poetic descriptions of character's physical attributes in a blurb. Go especially light on describing eye-color and hair-color. "When smoky-eyed, blonde Gemma first sees tanned, green-eyed, curly-haired Ronald, sparks fly." Really? Is the eye-color important? Will a reader buy the book because the heroine is smoky-eyed? Romance/erotica blurbs are permitted to describe a bit about the characters' hotness, like hunky or sexy.

3. Don't provide long excerpts of reviews in the blurb. Self-pubbed folks often list review after review in the description, hoping to lend credibility to their work. It doesn't impress. It usually results in a potential purchaser giving up. A reader wants to know what the story is about. Sure, if you got a review that says "..altogether superior" from some bigtime reviewer, put it in your blurb. Use a very short excerpt (no more than a phrase), the attribution, and only one review. Don't list awards the book has won unless it's a real contest everyone has heard of. Blurb real estate is valuable. Don't waste it.

How Not to Write a Book Blurb: Part I

A book's "cover copy" is a super important marketing tool. The blurb is a come-on, a seductive invitation to buy the book. The blurb also provides a hint of the genre, the characters, the story, and the conflict. Unfortunately, book blurbs are extremely difficult to write.

Even if the publisher employs a blurb copywriter, cover copy is still the foundation of a query letter. An author has got to learn how. Writing a great blurb is especially critical if the author is self-published or small-press pubbed. For these books the blurb serves a double purpose: readers look to the blurb to entice, and to provide evidence that the writer can actually write.

Here are three tips:

1. Don't be a carnival barker. Don't address the reader directly. Don't ask the reader a direct question, like "Have you ever wondered what would happen if..." Don't promise to take the reader on a transformative, profound journey that will change them forever. Never, ever, ever, say "You have never read anything like this before."

2. Don't provide a synopsis. A blurb is a wink and a flirt, not an entire strip tease detailing the brand name and fiber content of the clothing being removed.

3. Don't make spelling or grammar mistakes.

Here's an example of what not to do (this is taken from real blurbs, modified and embellished to protect the originals.)

There’s a brothel in Colorado posing as a retreat for writers. When a young, Australian girl by the name of Angie is trapped by Buck (the guy running it) strange things start to occur. As if Angie didn't have enough troubles in the present, events completely out of her control unfolding in the past and future are now aligning against her.

Angie and her bestfriend Pam have no idea how to get out from under Buck’s thumb; and each time something strange takes place in the house—Buck blames one of the girls and holds them responsible and they have to be disciplined. When the girls chip in and buy and give Georgina a ruby ring for her birthday because they feel bad for her because Buck broke her arm—when they return one day they discover she’s no longer there—they think Buck did something to her but aren’t sure—but days later they see the ruby ring on Buck’s girlfriend’s finger (and know for sure)—they’re infuriated and pushed to their limits and take the biggest gamble of their sad existences: they plan on killing him. Trouble is, if they fail, somebody’s going to be severely held accountable.

From the deepest reaches of the rocky mountain ranches to the fanciest jewelry stores in Denver, this realistic novel takes you on a journey through the darkest aspects of human existance to enlightenment of mankind's soul.

See also:

Why is my Book Not Selling? Crowdsourcing critique of a book's cover, blurb and first few paragraphs.

The blurb doctor is in For 25.00, this blogger will help you with your blurb.

How to Write a Book Blurb that Sells