Friday, September 9, 2011

What is a Strong Submissive?

I've been thinking a bit about the definition of a "strong submissive", especially when it refers to the female in a D/s relationship. The phrase seems like an oxymoron: how can a submissive be strong?

In some circles, a strong submissive means the woman is long-suffering. She puts up with all manner of indignities. She is durable only in the sense that she survives. This type of strong submissive is pretty much the same thing as a martyr. Or, in more modern terms, she is a doormat.

Another definition of strong submissive is found in the fictional world. The archetype is a cheeky chick who challenges the Dom to "break her". Although resistant at first, this spunky woman is finally convinced by the Dominant to submit. And the D/s couple has way hot sex and they live happily ever after. This is a popular and fun theme. It's not terribly realistic, though. Most men would just find a more compatible submissive.

In idealized real-life BDSM, a strong submissive is an accomplished, secure woman who acknowledges one special man is worthy of being served. She is is not submissive to the outside world, just to him. The Dominant values his extraordinary woman, and supports her continued achievements and growth. This idealized version of BDSM easily allows for feminism.

D/s couples will often romanticize their relationship, claiming that the Dominant adores having a strong submissive. It's been my experience that it's rarely true. Few Dominant men are accomplished and secure enough to value an exceptional woman--even if she cedes her authority to him.

Photo attribution: From the cover of "Gang Girl" by Wenzell Brown.

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